Tuesday, March 18

discover [top 5 things you need to know about the Insanity workout program]

Oh boy, insanity post! I've been waiting to write this for the 9 weeks it takes to complete insanity (one month, one week of "recovery" workouts, a second month). I respond very well to workout programs, because I can trust the structure and difficulty level rather than relying on my own idea of a complete routine, and because the mental energy necessary to decide whether or not to workout is eliminated. Um, you can't just SKIP Tuesday, you're in a routine! There's no hitting the snooze button once I've committed to a program.
Here are the top 5 things you need to know about Insanity.

1. You will build an intimate, one-sided relationship with Shaun-T and his posse of ab-flaunting, aggressive-exhaling, fake-high-fiving fitness machines. You're in the #shauntourage now, and you will embrace it. You will know that Josh is a total f*up when it comes to stretching, you will never have Ariel's abs, and Tania's exhale face is absurdly over the top. You will engage with them on social media and gossip about them with other insanity alums like you all went to college together.

2. You will start speaking in Insanity language. I do it because I wanna look goooood. That shit was bananas yo. I'm smiling because I love it.  C'mon y'all, 'SGOOOOOOO. Dig. deeper. Contract your core. Don't sacrifice form. Jack it out (?). Try to come back to reality.

3. You'll get bored of the repetitive nature of the videos (there are only 10), but if you make it 2 weeks, you'll complete it. Here's why:
  • Week one is a novelty. It's fun (-ish), it's new, you're confident you're getting a great workout.
  • Week two you're kinda in the swing of things. By the end of the week you're getting a bit bored, but you know you can't stop before you've given it an honest shot. We are not quitters. Plus you're maybe a bit addicted to the post-workout high.
  • Week three begins with a repeat of the fitness test you did on day one. You will blow your first fit test score out of the water, doubling the number of switchkicks, jumpy things, pushups, etc you can complete. You will look at your body with new respect for the bad-ass machine it is. This will motivate you all through the week, and you forget the boredom you were feeling.
  • Week four there is no escaping how much you hate it, but it's your last week before "recovery", so you stick with it. You are especially angry on the double days, where he tacks on cardio abs to the 45 minute, 500-calorie+ monstrosity you just completed. F you Shaun-T. He's smiling because he loves it and you want to punch him in his smug and fit goatee.
  • "Recovery" week is fun at first, because it's only 39 minutes long and you don't get as sweaty. On day three it sinks in that you have been tricked into doing the exact.same.workout. for six days in a row, probably only so you won't complain when the extremely intense 2nd month starts.
  • You will still complain when the extremely intense 2nd month starts. But once again, if you can make it through the first two weeks, you'll finish.
4. Oh month two. Nothing, not even insanity month one, will prepare you for this. It will be horrible, because the workout length has suddenly doubled and any confidence you felt will evaporate. Once you see the intensity of month two, you will realize that all the instructors were only fake working hard in month one. Things that may help: go shoe-less (seriously, I went barefoot for month two), drink crazy amounts of water, do some additional stretching on your own, and up your protein (I targeted at least 100 grams a day).

5. Results! As in, I hope you have more of them than me. I think I gained one pound, and while I now have half of an oblique (if I pose correctly AND add a filter #thatsanab), I can't really say my body has changed dramatically. Keep in mind the size and weight of fat vs muscle- go google image to see some pretty incredible photos of the comparison. I didn't measure myself to start and my clothes fit relatively the same, but my friend lost a few inches just in the first 30 days, so you may see transformation that way instead of on the scale.

All physical results aside, you feel awesome. You really do. Excluding my 10 years as a competitive athlete in a whole-body sport, I've never been in such good shape, from push-up ability to flexibility to mental tenacity. I would highly recommend this, and I look forward to trying a few others (T25 anyone?) now that I'm an Insanity alum. I'm also hoping to complete 2-3 insanity workouts per week from here on out, mixed in with yoga, running, more concentrated weight lifting, and hopefully some barre workouts.

Let me know if you have any questions, as this is pretty much my favorite topic of conversation at the moment (reminds me of the joke, "no one would ever run a marathon if they had to sign a confidentiality agreement first"...same thing applies here my friends).


  1. Come visit..I would love to take you to barre! Also, go you for completing an at-home DVD workout. If I can pause or fast-forward it to the end, you know that is what I am going to do.

  2. NOOOO... come visit me and I will take you to the MOST WONDERFUL, positive, refreshing, hard barre studio ever! (Jen, you come too!)
    LOVE this review and your determination!

  3. Ah, come home for Easter and drink daiquiris?


how you like dem apples?